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Author Thread: Tough Love for Children
SJC1985

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Tough Love for Children
Posted : 28 Aug, 2008 09:23 AM

I am still in the process of experiencing the hardest thing that I have ever had to do as a single mom. Having to apply "tough love" to my adopted son, who is now 23 years old has drained me physically and emotionally. After a lot of prayer and a lot of Christian counseling, I finally realized that I was hurting my son instead of helping him. I had allowed him to live with me until he could find a job and "get on his feet". He had it made: no rent to pay; no vehicle to make payments on; no groceries to buy; cable tv; internet; cell phone with unlimited text messaging. Even though I encouraged my son every day to check on a job, he managed to stay away from getting a job!!!



Finally, I told him that he had 30 days to get a job or he would have to move out. The days passed with little or no effort seen in getting a job. After the 30 days were up, I told him that he was going to have to move out. He moved back to his dad's. As soon as I could get some help in getting my vehicle back (one he drove), I took it and put it up for sale. He has never been this angry with me in his life. It has been over a month, and he still hasn't returned my calls. According to his dad, my son is now working.



I HAVE SHARED ALL OF THIS TO LET YOU KNOW HOW

MUCH I REGRET THAT I HAD NOT DONE IT SOONER!



I spent a fortune trying to help take care of my son's needs! I was enabling him to continue to have an easy life and not living with the circumstances of bad choices.



DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU, AND DO NOT ALLOW HIM/HER TO "PLAY YOU AGAINST YOUR EX-SPOUSE". IT IS HURTING YOUR CHILD MUCH MORE THAN IT IS HELPING WHEN YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD'S CIRCUMSTANCES DUE TO WRONG CHOICES. PRAY LIKE YOU'VE NEVER PRAYED BEFORE ABOUT WHAT GOD WOULD HAVE YOU DO & TURN YOUR CHILD OVER TO HIM FOR DISCIPLINE. GOD WILL ALWAYS DO WHAT IS BEST FOR OUR CHILDREN.



SJC 1985 :glow:

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Tough Love for Children
Posted : 25 Nov, 2008 11:17 AM

Hi there,



I can totally relate to how you feel. My son is nearly 17 and he has completely dropped out of school. He is getting into bad company. I've had to go down to the cop station at 3 or 4 in the morning to get him out. Like you i was doing everything and spending a fortune trying to "save" him. But still he carries on acting the same way. Well I have decided to send him away for a couple of months. Far away. It's the toughest decision I've ever had to make and my heart breaks just thinking about it. But I know i must do it so he can realise that he is throwing his life away and heading to jail acting the way he is. I know that just like your son, he will be angry and refuse to speak to me. But I pray that one day he will realise that I did it for his good and that I love him with all my heart. You are right when you say that all we can do is hand them over to the Lord. I have spent the last year doing it my way and have failed miserably. Now it's time to let the Lord step in. God bless you and continue to bring you comfort. You did the right thing!!!

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Tough Love for Children
Posted : 27 Nov, 2008 05:19 PM

Thank you for your post. I am the single mom of five children, and have been for the past three years. So far God has blessed me with some good outcomes. My oldest is in college now and is doing well. She did put me through some scary times though.



My seventeen year old daughter is doing okay. It's my fifteen year old son that may be my biggest battle. He's right on the verge now where he could go one way or the other. Please keep him in your prayers.



Then I have two younger ones, 11 and 9. Their good kids but the influence they get on the weekends with their dad is not so good.

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