I'm hoping that ya'll can give me some advice. There is a young woman in my life who I have known for roughly eight years. In that time we have been simple acquaintances as well as friends. She is a single parent who has just recently separated from her child's father. I am a shy person by nature and have often misread females' "signals". I have felt in the past that she has shown interest but others tell me that they don't see it. What can I do to possibly let her know I'm interested in her and her child, I know the two come as one, but with out coming on too strong too fast? It's kind of those things where you don't want to hurt the friendship but at the same time you long for something more. I will say that she does trust me with her child. Just wanting to know what extra qualities she might be looking for in a man. Thanks for any advice you can give me!!
Alright Storm, I'm going to be brutally honest, but I'll do it as gently as I can.
First of all, she's separated. She isn't divorced, so she isn't on the market - and it could be a long while before she is. It's going to take time for her to heal, and you certainly don't want to be a rebound. Honestly (and speaking from experience), the last thing she needs right now is a good friend professing his love for her. It would not only make her uncomfortable, but would in fact damage your friendship.
Secondly (and this is where the brutal part comes in), you need to move out of your parents house if you hope to have a serious relationship with a single parent. I do understand your situation, I'm not putting you down in ANY way, but when the time comes she's going to be looking for someone who can offer stability - not for her, but because of her child. I know you said you're planning on moving out as soon as finances improve, and I do understand that. But if you were to approach her (in time), things were going well, and you wanted to have her over to cook her dinner...well, you see where the problem might come in. :)
As far as what qualities can you gain or change about yourself? None. Don't do that. Don't try to be something you're not to please someone else. And definitely don't try to portray an image that may not really be you. You may be great friends, but look into the future when imagining yourself with someone that is a single parent. Do you actually like kids? Are you going to be able to handle the interaction between her and her X that will most likely be a necessity? Are you ready to deal with someone with a child - this means there are times a babysitter can't be found - nights where she'll have to cancel because her child is sick - days she's going to want to spend quality mom and child time without you?
I'd love to tell you to go for it. But this isn't the time - not yet, anyway. And there is a lot that goes into a relationship with a single parent. Think long and hard about this - you have three hearts to consider.
Blessings,
Lynn
PS - I don't remember if you said she was married to the father or not - either way, give her time to get over him. You really don't want to be a rebound.
thanks again for your thoughts and more importantly your honesty!! I mean that! To be honest I agree with you. I know that no matter how I might appear as far as being a good guy, honest, a good sense of humor, a man who follows God, I understand that not having my own place hurts me a lot! My sister once told me that its not that I'm not reliable, its that I'm not stable. Simply because I don't have my own place. I will say that I LOVE kids!! I have grown up in a daycare, I greatly enjoyed coaching youth soccer, and I was the youth group leader in my old church for a couple of years. I will also say that the girl in question is not married, but it doesn't matter either way, she went back to him...But yeah, I know that my situation has to change before anything serious of a relationship can happen. Thanks again for your thoughts.
I guess I would have to answer that question with a question. How long has it been since she ended it with her child's father? If it's been sufficient time and your at least 75% sure it's really over with them then I would say you could offer to listen to why and be very attentive. Who knows? A friendship that would turn into a romance would be a dream come true for me.
First, make sure the "ties" are completely cut between her and her ex. Then ease gently into the relationship-let her know that you care but dont get involved too fast. dont do things for her or be the babysitter. you both do not need to get mixed into a relationship as co-dependents, but as best of friends first then the rest will eventually fall into place. trust me-i was coming out of a relationship and he was my "heroe" (i thought) until i relized i was just using him because i needed someone to depend on-it turned into a disaster and now i have no friend but worst of all i have not the one that could have been....so in a word-bcareful! if you truly love and care about her take it easy and make sure you always communicate! -katt
Read the story of David and Bathsheba the reason for seperation dont matter. Watch for suduicing spirits, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death is for now. Thier are the bad spirits that will tempt you. Prayer is the answer, and dont allow yourself to be alone with her for the cause to do wrong may be closer than you think. The best wittness I had A young father came to me one day and thanked me for the prayers, and started back ont he road towards CHRIST. I never told him I was praying for him, He said he could see the LORD in me and gave him the hope he needed. [second attempt to write this due to sensoring]
Thank you to everyone for your thoughts. She has since then got back together with her child's father and nothing every really came of their split. I still she her child (who is just turned 2) and while my heart was stolen by her little girl I'll don't think I'll ever steal her mother's heart. I have moved on in a way and am meeting some pretty cool women on here. some of who, yes has children. Thank you all for your thoughts and advice.
I know you moved on but I wish I could have met you when my kids were little. It's hard to find a nice guy who cares about the kids too. Pats on the back to you for that.
please look up statistics for successful marriages when a person marries less than 2 years from DIVORCE date. Statistics aren't everything but they are worth paying attention to.
