Hello friends, about two weeks ago I found someone that I'm interested to know more about, which ultimately made me decided to give this site a second try, after six years of totally away.
I finally rounded up my courage to send her a message, telling her about my intention, and I'm not messing around with her, so on and so forth. I know I didn't cross the line, because I always make sure in everything that I do and say can be held accountable later. She is also the first and the only person I ever sent these kind of messages to, and there's no one else here that I want talk to regularly and have a connection with.
Anyway, she did the read the message though, despite it was so messed up thanks to the system. She doesn't block me from sending more messages, and she also changed her profile photo which is very nice by the way imho, but she didn't respond to my message. Hahaha.
I know I'm being stupid and perhaps I'm reading too much in what seems to be nothing, but it's been ages since I was in a relationship, to be precise, it was 14 years ago. So yeah, this is like a whole new territory to me.
I don't know what's going on, and I don't know what's on her mind. I want to ask her what's the meaning of her silent treatment, questions like:
am I being rejected?
am I being considered?
am I being told to wait?
and what's stopping me of course, is that I don't want to do anything that will make her feel uncomfortable, or can be categorized as harassing her.
I'm thinking about moving on, but I'm not at peace, so I can't do it yet.
I wonder, what if she's actually waiting for me to make my move?
And because moving on is the wrong choice, she's gonna think that I'm not serious with her, and I quit too easily, therefore I ended up hurting her feelings.
Then again, I also understand very well that I don't have anything that will make her want to know more about me, or even want to be in a committed long distance relationship with me. This is not self-pity, just a reality. Therefore, she may not be waiting for anything at all, and is simply ignoring me.
Any advices?
Thanks, and may the Lord bless you abundantly for helping a fellow believer in crisis
Sir: I can't tell you why this particular lady is giving you the silent treatment. I can tell you what I would do if I received a message from you. I don't respond to men who send me a wink and/or message that have no picture. Your profile does not have even one picture. Also, I do not respond to any men who are overseas.
If I would have gotten a message from you, I would have looked at your profile. I have to tell you, it is pretty negative against yourself. You start out by saying "Just a nobody". You phrase things in negative ways: "I have some bad habits..." We ALL have bad habits. I suggest not mentioning them at this point -- that will come later as you get to know someone. You say "I'm awkward around children" and then go on to make some positive statements interspersed with negative statements about children. What you could say is something like "I am not used to being around children, but when I babysit my little nephew we have a good time". Do you see the difference?
The only other thing I will suggest is that, if you see a woman you are truly interested in and take the time to send a message (make it more than just "Hi!" PLEASE), then if she reads but does not respond, give it at least 2 days. And send a follow up, friendly note. 2 sentences, no more than 4. You don't have to say "I saw you read my message but you haven't responded", but rather comment that you are still interested in getting to know her better, and say something positive about something she wrote in her profile. That will tell her you are interested and have read her profile without pressuring her too much. And - always - pray, pray, pray.
My message was rather long, and although right now I have removed my profile photo, at that time, she could see it because I wanted her to know what I look like.
Thank you for your kind words and your advices to correct the counter productive things I wrote on my profile. I'm in no way being negative about myself, I only thought I was being honest. Didn't realize it's actually sending the wrong signal.
I think that it's best to keep a first message brief, say a little about something you saw in their profile. If they reply you can expand on that. I think receiving a lengthy email from a stranger stating their intentions would be a bit daunting for most.
With all kindness and empathy - I think you decided way too fast that the other person is legit. There are so many reasons why these folks don't respond. Don't take it personally but I do advise you either leave it alone altogether or maybe put out one last very short communication. God's best to you...
I hope I can be helpful here... this may sound awful but the truth is that I get messages by a lot of guys on here and I hardly reply to any. That is one of the problems with on-line dating sites-it's easy to get hurt. I feel hypocritical saying this because I wouldn't want it done to me, but if I'm not attracted to someone on their picture then I genuinely don't know how to respond or what to say without hurting or offending them. It always strikes me as a strange phenomena, initial attraction. It's not that a man has to be exceptionally good looking it's just I have to be attracted somehow and if I'm not then I'm not. I find the whole on-line dating thing to be fraught with potential problems-nothing seems better to me than meeting someone in real life maybe at church or a Christian event. If a guy made eye contact with me and I smiled back I would hope for him to ask me my name lol and maybe for my number. Anyway I hope this has helped. God bless.
Man up, walk in the Spirit, and rejection emerges as a trivial thing. No response simply equates to not God's will for you.
This platform only serves as a means to an end, and many share the same reason for being here. That should motivate you to act out of compassion, and not from guilt, fear or shame, which does invariably derail effectual communication.
Be kind and understanding, and don't be offended when the reaction you receive is unfavourable or a tight-lipped snub.
If you are communicating through texting or this site that could be the issue. Texting or in boxing after a while becomes very unimpersonable. I texted and received texts most were biblical scriptures several times weekly from man on site recently. Eventually phone calls were exchanged started well but were extremely brief or went unanswered on his end. Unfortunately, it took a bit to figure out the interest was one sided. A woman desires to be pursued. If you're interested tell her so! Limit the texting and ask her to call you or vise versa. Determine if there's a common connection. That's if you can establish that she isn't a fake profile. Keep it in prayer. Step out on faith because you won't be at peace until she's given you you a response. Blessings!
